Neal Milner: This ‘Power Couple’ Is Not So Cool

They’re the  center of attention, sure, but the ex-police chief and his deputy prosecutor wife probably aren’t enjoying their celebrity status.

By Neal Milner /
Reading time: 5 minutes.

The Kealohas are a power couple. Awesome!

The more the ex-HPD chief and his wife make news for their felony indictments, the more they get described as a power couple. Civil Beat did it just the other day.

Maybe the Kealohas’ power couple claim is, as Civil Beat politely put it, “self-professed.”

Well, whoever professes it, it’s true. Louis and Katherine are a true power couple. In this age of celebrity, that is the best, bro.

Retired HPD Chief Louis Kealoha and his wife, deputy prosecutor Katherine Kealoha, exit U.S. District Court after their arrests in a corruption case. They soon attracted a crowd — one more sign that they’re a power couple.

Cory Lum/Civil Beat

No way, you say? How shallow you are.

Like most ordinary people, you think that power couples are hip and cool — owners of start-ups, salons, shoppes or edgy hamster cage-sized restaurants that no one can ever get into. They produce “creative content” and kale sorbet.

Twitter followers the size of Shanghai, and plenty of face time everywhere that shows faces.

Matching skinny jeans for all occasions. And plenty hair gel.

But most of all dead bang beautiful. The web site GrindTV describes one of its “six hottest surfing power couples in Hawaii” as “so photogenic that it makes your eyes bleed.”

Well, you probably didn’t emit much optic blood when you looked at the pictures of the Kealohas post-arrest.

With his dad jeans and man bun and her Mama Cass braid, Louis and Katherine looked less like Kanye and Kim and more like people at a reunion of boomers who had chickened out of going to Woodstock.

But does that show that the Kealohas do not make the power couple list?

Heck no! It shows just how shallow and unfair our culture vultures are.

Keep in mind what your mother told you, often when prom was coming and you had no date: Beauty is only skin deep. You can’t tell a book by its cover.

So we need to go deeper, to, like, the Inner Kealoha.

And that’s exactly what the Urban Dictionary does. And according to that dictionary, the Kealohas don’t just make it to the power couple class. They are in gifted and talented.

The Urban Dictionary describes power coupledom as “sparks (of) light in the world that people recognize that goes beyond a normal relationship.”

A power couple is not merely two supercool individuals. It’s a team, a relationship between two people who are equally cool. They are as individually awesome and fun to be around as they are when they are together. Neither one depends on the other for their feelings of self worth — they know in their heart that they are just as valuable to the world as the other.

And, as the dictionary tells us, power couples are a team, and there is no I in team. “If one person is flawed, the other person makes up for their weaknesses in strength.”

For the Kealohas, so far so good.

Louis and Katherine are equally cool.

They may not be awesome the way a barista means awesome when you order a pumpkin spice latte. Our ex-chief may not inspire the same awe, quaking and saluting that Tom Selleck as NYPD Commissioner Reagan gets when he walks into a precinct house in “Blue Bloods.”

But it’s pretty awesome in both the coffee server and cop sense that Chief Kealoha had his own Super Secret Squad to help with the Kealoha Team’s family problems.

And they certainly worked as a team in power couple ways. Each of them has more than enough of a sense of self-worth to go around. Yet they were there for one another.

When Katherine felt flawed and diminished in her dispute with the relatives, Louis allegedly stepped in to give her law enforcement support.

When Louis felt that his cars and home were not commensurate with his rank and made him feel diminished, Katherine allegedly stepped in to find new sources of revenue that were innovative even for experienced house flippers.

Summing it all up, the Urban Dictionary says this about power couples:

“Together they are the epitome of what anyone would desire in a relationship. They encourage goodness in the world and make it a better place by being together.”

Enough said.

Okay. Maybe not quite enough.

Maybe the Kealohas are just power couple wannabes. The $26K they spent on his police chief inaugural party may not be enough to get them into that club.

And, well, even if they are found innocent, it is sort of bending over backwards to consider them a model duo that encourage goodness and making the world a better place.

Shining that kind of light on the Kealohas is going to be their defense attorneys’ job, and those lawyers are going to earn their money.

So all those things considered, how’s this for a name?

“Louis and Katherine Kealoha — the Power of Attorney Couple.”

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